HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH Y'ALL WHEREVER YOU ARE.

Love,

S1 xxx

So much were left unsaid.

Rest in peace, J. Louis. You will be extremely missed. 

When our mutual friend told me J passed away, I wasn't convinced. The minute I got home, I checked J's FB page to see if he really did go. He really did. I just can't accept that he's gone. My brain is still processing his departure from this world.

He was a good friend despite our short-term friendship. He was encouraging, honest, considerate and real. I miss talking to him. I looked forward to his message(s) everyday. I should have replied him straight after I read his message. I should have continued our conversation instead of procrastinating my reply. I shouldn't have neglected him.

Ugh, I hate myself.

November,

Please go easy on me.

Welcome to the Universe

CHECK THIS OUT.

We are just a speck in the galaxy we live in. I'm not even talking about the universe.

The Hubble Ultra Deep Field displays about 10,000 galaxies in our universe.

Credit: NASA

Last night, I attended my college's FRIGHT NIGHT Halloween event. It was pretty cool. I went as a "bohemian princess". The band performed Pumped Up Kicks (Foster The People), Sex On Fire (Kings Of Leon), and My Hero (Foo Fighters). The best selection of songs. I shisha-ed for the first time that night. 

I don't know why I exist.

Wazzaaaaaaap :D How are all of you?
I don't have anything in particular to blog about; just updating this blog so it wouldn't look so dead, haha! This is going to be a random blog post. I'm just going to list down whatever comes to mind.

Besides University of Central Oklahoma, I've been looking at West Virginia University and I'm pretty keen on that uni. In UCO, my major, which is a professional major, is Fashion Marketing whereas, in WVU, my major would be Fashion Design and Merchandising- I get to study both! The best part is, I meet all of WVU's requirements, so I'm going to apply. I'll definitely go to WVU if they accept me. I really hope they do.

I want to kill myself for bringing up a wrong topic during dinner with a few friends last night. But then again, we're all entitled to voice out our opinions and beliefs, no? I came across this quote on Tumblr: "Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real."

I'll leave you something to think about. Read this story: Voltaire's Story of a Good Brahmin and tell me what's your take: reason or happiness? I'd rather have reason rather than happiness.

Insignificant and Worthless

Hellooo!

Omg, I don't even remember stressing over the backdrop. I don't remember not having lunch that day. I don't remember the glitter and glue. Then again, I don't remember a lot of things, haha!

College has started for me. My subjects are challenging and a bad combination: Art Appreciation, Chemistry & Society, Introduction to Philosophy, Introduction to American Government and Moral Education.

I have to study (the word study looks funny to me now), humble myself, trust in God. My profanity has to leave. So does my old self. It's tough.

College is very different compared to my previous semesters. My advisor has left to further her studies. As well as a few other advisors and staff. A huge number of my friends has left. There were a few familiar faces around, so it wasn't that bad. I made a few friends though; they're okay.

I teared when I received my friend, N's text message- he's already left for the States. It's going to take me a long time to get used to him not being around. I can't believe he's gone. He was closest to me in my 4th semester, apart from C. It sucks to be me right now.

I can't imagine being away from you 5 for a long time; I'd bawl my eyes out every day and night or every time I think of y'all.

Chic Pop 9 Street Market is on this Saturday in Jaya One from 10 AM to 6 PM. I'll be going! Come if you can!

Don't you ever wonder how we survive?

C,
I won't be working. I have an exam on 23rd July- TOEFL.

I have a lot of reading to do. I'm going to pick up reading as a hobby. I mean, I do read, only when I feel like it. I should subconsciously pick up a book and read it. Whatever the book is. I need to expand my knowledge. Reading would also help improve my writing skills.

I'll be continuing college in August. Ah, college, sweet college. My friend, N will be leaving for Iowa in a month and so will D for Ohio. The next chapter of my life begins in January 2012. Thank God for opening doors for me in mysterious ways.

Oh, guess what?! N and I went downtown last Friday to check out something at MACEE. That reminds me, I have to schedule an appointment with MACEE. N and I made friends with two people at MACEE: K from Penang, and N from London. Anyways, N and I bumped into D! In the heart of KL. Of all places. D and his friend, J, N and I took a cab back to Subang. Thank God for bumping into D. That will be my last time seeing him. Omg, I'm so weird.

That night, I attended my friend, J's birthday. As usual, it's only drinks. I traveled all the way to Giza just to find out that the venue had been shifted to USJ. And it was the eve of the Bersih rally. The NKVE stretch from Giza to Subang was like a huge carpark. It was about 8 kilometers that was jammed. When on my way to Giza from Shah Alam, only the first bit on the NKVE was jammed- about 3 to 4 kilometers. Going out of Subang, from SS 19 to KL was jammed. And going back to Shah Alam on the Federal, the opposite lane (in Shah Alam, before the toll plaza) was jammed. It was crazy. The scariest part of the entire journey was that I was running low on petrol- I had less than a quarter tank! Thank God for preserving the remaining petrol.

Gosh, I sound desperate. I pretty much am.

Heyyy :D
Lets meet up soon please? This weekend? Or is it too soon? Next week? Dinner? Sleepover?

• I need to return LIL A's nail polish.
• I have news.

I'm so sensitive; he's a machine.

Hello everyone! How are all of you? Hope you're all well. Hope your eye gets better, C. The blog doesn't miss you, we do. Gosh, I'm lame. Makes me awesome. I'm so lame, I'm awesome.

I'm bored; I'm always bored. I'm hungry. I've been pretty happy lately. I have been consuming a lot of pineapple; I loathe pineapple.

I got back from KK on Sunday; I was there for the weekend. Our purpose was to visit the old folks. Had two dinners on the first two nights. We've been coming back at three in the morning those two nights and waking up really early in the morning from six to seven the next day. Crazy. My cousin and her boyfriend would take me to clubs while my parents, uncle and my cousin's parents would be karaoke-ing together. This was my first time not spending a single cent in KK, literally.

I went to college today. I miss college. Everyone whom I met were all like, What are you doing here?, Where have you been?, What have you been doing?, I haven't seen you around., Long time no see., etc. A lot of them were surprised to see me in college. They were like, Why didn't you call to tell that you were coming?, Next time you come tell us., etc. When I told my Mom about this, she said I should've replied them this: Why? You want to lay a red carpet for me ah? Apparently, people have been asking about my disappearance in college. I really am flattered to know that people ask about me. I never thought I'd cross peoples' minds. Have you ever wondered if you cross someone's mind; if people think about you, ask about you when you're away? Have you ever wondered how people would remember you? Have you ever wondered what sort of impression you give off to people, regardless of the first one? I always wonder.

My tongue is itching terribly from eating pineapple. Shucks.

I've learned to live half alive

Thanks S! What's going on this Saturday? :D TELL ME.

❒ Single ❒ Taken ☑ I'm marrying Prince Harry.

Anyone watched the Royal Wedding?

O. M. G. Prince Harry, SO HOT.

I only watched the Royal Wedding just to see Prince Harry.

Sorry, I'm obsessed. He's my current obsession.

And ohmygoodness, I totally loved Kate Middleton's wedding dress. I didn't really like Pippa's though. I mean, it's pretty, I just didn't like the neckline of Pippa's dress.

How is everyone? (:

This blog is dead.

Shine a light on her

OMG, I had so much fun on Saturday night! No regrets going, (: Two people were missing though, ):

Drink the night away,

get you outta my head.

Nothing excites me anymore.

Hello everyone! Short update.

First off, the ball was boring. Went to the after-party in MOS, boring-er. Didn't go for the after after-party. Couldn't be bothered to stay on. Seriously. I stoned most of the time.

Stressing over my assignments and mid-term results and upcoming tests. I hate this. I thank God for my assignment due date being postponed a week later.

I live a very sad life. Boring and predictable. Go figure.

I'm damn hungry.

Sleeping soon, goodnight.

Baby steps aren't enough for me.

OH. EM. GEE. GEE. GEE. GEE. GEE! I bumped into D three times today! And there was progress: we talked! Only a little though. But still, progress! First bump, I saw him but didn't say hi to him because he was studying.

Second bump was in the middle of the car park, still within my college's compound. I thought that I'll bump into him in the hangout area for the students in my program. Instead, I bumped into him in the car park. I waved and said hi, and he smiled, pointing at his book and said, "I've got a paper." I smiled back and wished him all the best. He said, "Thanks, see you around."

Third bump was in AC. I said hi again. He smiled and asked, "Where are you going?" I pointed at the deck area and said, "Oh, up there." He smiled and walked off. I was with C and S. S came all the way to visit us after her last paper. When S and I went to order our food, I saw him sitting alone. I should've asked him to sit with us. The thing is, I didn't know he was going to be alone. I thought he'd be meeting up with his friends. Ah, regrets, ):

But, at least we talked, even it it's little. I'm pretty happy, (: You guys should've seen my face today. C and S were like "Omgosh, she's blushing", "Oh, you're so happy", "You look so happy", etc. Yeah, I really was, :D

Partying tomorrow! :D Now playing Not Your Birthday by Allstar Weekend.

Omgosh, I totally forgot when I said bye to D after he finished his paper, before we bumped again in AC. So yeah, like, I was sitting at this table right in front of the lift and like I saw him walking from my left from afar and I knew it was him by the color of his t-shirt. He was wearing brown, (: And you know what I did? When I saw him, I quickly looked away, hoping he didn't see me. I don't know if he saw me then. I was also hoping that he would like say something when if he actually did see me. But, he didn't when he walked passed me. So, I went like, "Bye, D!" He just turned and he smiled and waved and our eyes were, sort of, locked onto each other a little longer than usual before he walked off, omgosh! :D I just smiled when our eyes were locked. Maybe it's just me, but I'd like to think of it that way just to keep me going. That was the fourth bump.

Tomorrow, the ball, after the ball, after-party.

Control yourself.

JL, you nerd!

I have something to thank God for; I FINALLY found a dress that I'd wear for the ball. Here's the dress:

Honestly, I don't really like it. I don't know, really. But I was desperate, so like, I chose this. I've also decided on which lipstick I'm going to wear, now all I have to think is what eyeshadow I'm going to wear.

I'm hungry. I want to eat. But it's too late to eat. My Dad will kill me if he caught me eating at this hour.I shall just starve myself.

Omgosh, my current favorite song is Kids by MGMT.



I didn't post the official music video for this song because it's a little scary. Go watch it on YouTube and you'll get what I mean. I don't like the music video. MGMT is performing tomorrow night, omgosh! I want to go, but I can't, ): I can't wait for Saturday! I miss y'all. I miss D.  Starving right now. Another minute and a half until I can listen to my favorite song!
This is so exciting! Everything is!
10 seconds to go!
54321
It's done! Listening to Kids right now! I used to hate it, but now it's stuck in my head!
C and I have been tweeting each other since before I started this post. Still tweeting each other, :D
This is the most random post I've done, goodnight! <3

Eventually you will be gone

OH! EM! GEE! Okay, like today, I saw D three times. And we said hello three times! Our first hello was by the lift. The second hello was in this hangout room for the students in the same program as me. We shall call this hangout room HR. There's a really long story behind the second hello. The third hello was right in front of HR. It may seem like progress, but it only stops at hello, nothing more. This pretty much sucks. I'm very happy though, that we said hello.

The second-hello story: I walked into HR knowing he was in there. But I didn't say hi the minute I stepped in. I just did my own thing, you know. A few of my friends were bullying me- tickling me & messing my hair up. Those friends were also D's friends. According to one of my friends, he kept on looking over- he looked over twice during the bullying incident. And another look-over when I was talking to someone- I can't remember who.

A few people have told me to just go say hi to him, and so I did! But what's disappointing is that we don't say anything else anymore after a hello whereas last year we would actually talk- it may not be something we have in common but random topics. We used to say really random stuff to each other. One of these few people told me to continue where I left off with him, but the thing is, what if he doesn't want to? So, I just left it at that.

So, today, I went for lunch with this guy, E. The both of us have, pretty much, a lot in common. We have one thing in common that we totally love: fashion. Anyways, a few other people were supposed to join us for lunch but they ditched us. I guess they didn't like Korean food. It was pretty pricey too- that could be one of the factors why they didn't join us. So, it was just E and me. Bulgogi. Good. Period.

We talked about a lot of things from schools (different kinds of schools: government, private & homeschooling), colleges in the states, our college & majors, blah blah blah. And then the question arrived: who do you find attractive in college? I told him to guess. I gave him clues: we both know him but he's not in any of our classes. And his first guess was correct: D. I was like, "What the hell, how'd you know?" And we started to talk a little bit about him, blah blah blah. I didn't tell him anything that happened between D and me though. Then, the next question: what makes you think that he's not into you? I didn't say anything. I just smiled, "I don't know?" (Oh wait, I did say I don't know, hahaha!) I mean, like hello, look at D and look at me! I'm way out of his league! So, yeah. Pretty much it.

Reminder (for me, at least): Carry yourself like a queen and you'll attract a king.

Oh! G is so sweet, he bought me breakfast! I feel so bad right now. He bought me lunch just the other day and I haven't done or gotten anything for him! G and I are hitting it off pretty well as friends. I saw H too! We said hi like twice but she didn't stop to talk. I was actually hoping for her to, but I guess she had to rush off.

The ball is this week, omgosh! I don't even know if it's on Friday or Saturday, double omgosh! And my dress, triple omgosh!

 

This dress was my first and only choice. I have to wait for new stock to come in and exchange this dress for something a tad more formal. I hope the new stock comes arrives by Thursday. I got my shoes already, happy!

Lil A; I miss you! ): Stop sleeping so much, hahaha! :D

S; Thanks, love! (: Miss you! ):

A & C; Aww, you both are extremely sweet! Makes me (': I miss you's! ): No sense can be shaken into him, hahaha!

J; Where are you? I miss you! ): Where'd you go, I miss you so, Seems like its been forever that you've been gone.

Will keep all of you in my prayers, goodnight! <3

We were bound to burn out, burn like crashing cars

Warning: this post contains a lot of whining. You might get extremely annoyed.

"We were bound to burn out, burn like crashing cars
I'll never get over you, never over you"

This song has been stuck on repeat for the pass two days. I really like this song. This song, somehow, makes me cry. It reminds me of D. D has been popping up in my head a lot lately. I have been thinking a lot about him, and his actions and his gestures towards me, then and now. I still like him a lot. I hate that I like him a lot. This really hurts. I was talking to someone about this whole D-situation and we started to analyze his actions and gestures. We were trying to find out his motive.

I mean, what guy asks a girl out on their first conversation? What guy waits with the girl until she goes back? What guy sits with the girl in class and plays doodle games with her? What guy finishes the girl's hard drink so that she wouldn't get high/drunk? What guy asks the girl to step on his feet and he'll dance for her just because her feet hurt? What guy accompanies the girl to a quieter area just so she can make a phone call? What guy walks the girl out to her car/transport? What guy does all these and leaves the girl hanging?

That someone, whom I've been talking to about D, said that I should just say hi if I see him. But I'm too scared to. Last Monday, I saw him three times and I didn't say hello. Three times and no hello! And I regretted after. How stupid can I get? Seriously! But it's easier said than done, saying hi to him if I see him.

Hello everyone! (: How have all of you been? I'm happy that all of us are able to update this blog, :D JL & Lil' A haven't been though, ): I miss you's!

Have a good week ahead! <3

Tell me I'm right.

Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥

I feel much better now. I think, hahaha! I know you all are just a call away but then, I felt like no one could understand me or what I was going through. I guess it was just a phase. A pretty stupid one, I must say. It drags you down to the pit of your stomach. If you get what I mean.

Today,

• I went to college despite not having any classes. I went because I had to pick my friend up because we were going to go shopping. Wow, so many becauses. And also, because my cousin was handling the Sony Walkman Roadshow in my college. They had this contest where the contestant has to wear one of their headphones and have his/her picture taken. The pictures will then be posted on Sony Walkman Malaysia's Facebook page and have to be voted. The person whose picture gets the most votes wins a Sony camera worth of RM900. Or something like that. I had my picture taken with their headphones on with two of my friends. The pictures will be up tonight, so please vote for my picture, thank you! <3

• I went dress hunting for prom. Which is in two weeks! I found a dress I sort of like. I mean, I wouldn't say I love it, but it's something I would wear. I didn't get it; I reserved it. It's a maxi/long dress. It's a printed dress and the main colors are grey, blue and pink. It doesn't sound as nice as it looks because I don't know how to describe the dress. You know I can't describe well. And I can't find the picture of that dress! This is so annoying. You'll just have to use your imagination.

This Saturday,

• I'm going to continue dress hunting. I'm pretty excited! If I don't find the right dress, I'll just have to get that dress that I reserved. I hope I can find something prettier.

I love the lyrics and video of this song. My current favorite!
♥

I just want to be happy, genuinely happy.

Lonely. Empty. Helpless. Useless. Vulnerable. Unmotivated.

Lately, I've been feeling all the above. I've not told or talked to anyone about it. It's sad that I can't even talk to my Mom about it. Or my Dad. But, what's the point talking to them about it? They'd tell me to suck it up and get on with life, you know. They only want me to study and get good grades. I wouldn't say they couldn't care less about other things like my social life or anything like that; my studies and grades are what they care the most right now. Like, it's hard, not having anyone to talk to. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling like crap. I hate feeling all the above. I hate all these.

Goodnight.