November,

Please go easy on me.

Welcome to the Universe

CHECK THIS OUT.

We are just a speck in the galaxy we live in. I'm not even talking about the universe.

The Hubble Ultra Deep Field displays about 10,000 galaxies in our universe.

Credit: NASA

Last night, I attended my college's FRIGHT NIGHT Halloween event. It was pretty cool. I went as a "bohemian princess". The band performed Pumped Up Kicks (Foster The People), Sex On Fire (Kings Of Leon), and My Hero (Foo Fighters). The best selection of songs. I shisha-ed for the first time that night. 

Insignificant and Worthless

Hellooo!

Omg, I don't even remember stressing over the backdrop. I don't remember not having lunch that day. I don't remember the glitter and glue. Then again, I don't remember a lot of things, haha!

College has started for me. My subjects are challenging and a bad combination: Art Appreciation, Chemistry & Society, Introduction to Philosophy, Introduction to American Government and Moral Education.

I have to study (the word study looks funny to me now), humble myself, trust in God. My profanity has to leave. So does my old self. It's tough.

College is very different compared to my previous semesters. My advisor has left to further her studies. As well as a few other advisors and staff. A huge number of my friends has left. There were a few familiar faces around, so it wasn't that bad. I made a few friends though; they're okay.

I teared when I received my friend, N's text message- he's already left for the States. It's going to take me a long time to get used to him not being around. I can't believe he's gone. He was closest to me in my 4th semester, apart from C. It sucks to be me right now.

I can't imagine being away from you 5 for a long time; I'd bawl my eyes out every day and night or every time I think of y'all.

Chic Pop 9 Street Market is on this Saturday in Jaya One from 10 AM to 6 PM. I'll be going! Come if you can!

I'm so sensitive; he's a machine.

Hello everyone! How are all of you? Hope you're all well. Hope your eye gets better, C. The blog doesn't miss you, we do. Gosh, I'm lame. Makes me awesome. I'm so lame, I'm awesome.

I'm bored; I'm always bored. I'm hungry. I've been pretty happy lately. I have been consuming a lot of pineapple; I loathe pineapple.

I got back from KK on Sunday; I was there for the weekend. Our purpose was to visit the old folks. Had two dinners on the first two nights. We've been coming back at three in the morning those two nights and waking up really early in the morning from six to seven the next day. Crazy. My cousin and her boyfriend would take me to clubs while my parents, uncle and my cousin's parents would be karaoke-ing together. This was my first time not spending a single cent in KK, literally.

I went to college today. I miss college. Everyone whom I met were all like, What are you doing here?, Where have you been?, What have you been doing?, I haven't seen you around., Long time no see., etc. A lot of them were surprised to see me in college. They were like, Why didn't you call to tell that you were coming?, Next time you come tell us., etc. When I told my Mom about this, she said I should've replied them this: Why? You want to lay a red carpet for me ah? Apparently, people have been asking about my disappearance in college. I really am flattered to know that people ask about me. I never thought I'd cross peoples' minds. Have you ever wondered if you cross someone's mind; if people think about you, ask about you when you're away? Have you ever wondered how people would remember you? Have you ever wondered what sort of impression you give off to people, regardless of the first one? I always wonder.

My tongue is itching terribly from eating pineapple. Shucks.

Baby steps aren't enough for me.

OH. EM. GEE. GEE. GEE. GEE. GEE! I bumped into D three times today! And there was progress: we talked! Only a little though. But still, progress! First bump, I saw him but didn't say hi to him because he was studying.

Second bump was in the middle of the car park, still within my college's compound. I thought that I'll bump into him in the hangout area for the students in my program. Instead, I bumped into him in the car park. I waved and said hi, and he smiled, pointing at his book and said, "I've got a paper." I smiled back and wished him all the best. He said, "Thanks, see you around."

Third bump was in AC. I said hi again. He smiled and asked, "Where are you going?" I pointed at the deck area and said, "Oh, up there." He smiled and walked off. I was with C and S. S came all the way to visit us after her last paper. When S and I went to order our food, I saw him sitting alone. I should've asked him to sit with us. The thing is, I didn't know he was going to be alone. I thought he'd be meeting up with his friends. Ah, regrets, ):

But, at least we talked, even it it's little. I'm pretty happy, (: You guys should've seen my face today. C and S were like "Omgosh, she's blushing", "Oh, you're so happy", "You look so happy", etc. Yeah, I really was, :D

Partying tomorrow! :D Now playing Not Your Birthday by Allstar Weekend.

Omgosh, I totally forgot when I said bye to D after he finished his paper, before we bumped again in AC. So yeah, like, I was sitting at this table right in front of the lift and like I saw him walking from my left from afar and I knew it was him by the color of his t-shirt. He was wearing brown, (: And you know what I did? When I saw him, I quickly looked away, hoping he didn't see me. I don't know if he saw me then. I was also hoping that he would like say something when if he actually did see me. But, he didn't when he walked passed me. So, I went like, "Bye, D!" He just turned and he smiled and waved and our eyes were, sort of, locked onto each other a little longer than usual before he walked off, omgosh! :D I just smiled when our eyes were locked. Maybe it's just me, but I'd like to think of it that way just to keep me going. That was the fourth bump.

Tomorrow, the ball, after the ball, after-party.

Eventually you will be gone

OH! EM! GEE! Okay, like today, I saw D three times. And we said hello three times! Our first hello was by the lift. The second hello was in this hangout room for the students in the same program as me. We shall call this hangout room HR. There's a really long story behind the second hello. The third hello was right in front of HR. It may seem like progress, but it only stops at hello, nothing more. This pretty much sucks. I'm very happy though, that we said hello.

The second-hello story: I walked into HR knowing he was in there. But I didn't say hi the minute I stepped in. I just did my own thing, you know. A few of my friends were bullying me- tickling me & messing my hair up. Those friends were also D's friends. According to one of my friends, he kept on looking over- he looked over twice during the bullying incident. And another look-over when I was talking to someone- I can't remember who.

A few people have told me to just go say hi to him, and so I did! But what's disappointing is that we don't say anything else anymore after a hello whereas last year we would actually talk- it may not be something we have in common but random topics. We used to say really random stuff to each other. One of these few people told me to continue where I left off with him, but the thing is, what if he doesn't want to? So, I just left it at that.

So, today, I went for lunch with this guy, E. The both of us have, pretty much, a lot in common. We have one thing in common that we totally love: fashion. Anyways, a few other people were supposed to join us for lunch but they ditched us. I guess they didn't like Korean food. It was pretty pricey too- that could be one of the factors why they didn't join us. So, it was just E and me. Bulgogi. Good. Period.

We talked about a lot of things from schools (different kinds of schools: government, private & homeschooling), colleges in the states, our college & majors, blah blah blah. And then the question arrived: who do you find attractive in college? I told him to guess. I gave him clues: we both know him but he's not in any of our classes. And his first guess was correct: D. I was like, "What the hell, how'd you know?" And we started to talk a little bit about him, blah blah blah. I didn't tell him anything that happened between D and me though. Then, the next question: what makes you think that he's not into you? I didn't say anything. I just smiled, "I don't know?" (Oh wait, I did say I don't know, hahaha!) I mean, like hello, look at D and look at me! I'm way out of his league! So, yeah. Pretty much it.

Reminder (for me, at least): Carry yourself like a queen and you'll attract a king.

Oh! G is so sweet, he bought me breakfast! I feel so bad right now. He bought me lunch just the other day and I haven't done or gotten anything for him! G and I are hitting it off pretty well as friends. I saw H too! We said hi like twice but she didn't stop to talk. I was actually hoping for her to, but I guess she had to rush off.

The ball is this week, omgosh! I don't even know if it's on Friday or Saturday, double omgosh! And my dress, triple omgosh!

 

This dress was my first and only choice. I have to wait for new stock to come in and exchange this dress for something a tad more formal. I hope the new stock comes arrives by Thursday. I got my shoes already, happy!

Lil A; I miss you! ): Stop sleeping so much, hahaha! :D

S; Thanks, love! (: Miss you! ):

A & C; Aww, you both are extremely sweet! Makes me (': I miss you's! ): No sense can be shaken into him, hahaha!

J; Where are you? I miss you! ): Where'd you go, I miss you so, Seems like its been forever that you've been gone.

Will keep all of you in my prayers, goodnight! <3

Tell me I'm right.

Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥
Aww, (': I love you guys! ♥

I feel much better now. I think, hahaha! I know you all are just a call away but then, I felt like no one could understand me or what I was going through. I guess it was just a phase. A pretty stupid one, I must say. It drags you down to the pit of your stomach. If you get what I mean.

Today,

• I went to college despite not having any classes. I went because I had to pick my friend up because we were going to go shopping. Wow, so many becauses. And also, because my cousin was handling the Sony Walkman Roadshow in my college. They had this contest where the contestant has to wear one of their headphones and have his/her picture taken. The pictures will then be posted on Sony Walkman Malaysia's Facebook page and have to be voted. The person whose picture gets the most votes wins a Sony camera worth of RM900. Or something like that. I had my picture taken with their headphones on with two of my friends. The pictures will be up tonight, so please vote for my picture, thank you! <3

• I went dress hunting for prom. Which is in two weeks! I found a dress I sort of like. I mean, I wouldn't say I love it, but it's something I would wear. I didn't get it; I reserved it. It's a maxi/long dress. It's a printed dress and the main colors are grey, blue and pink. It doesn't sound as nice as it looks because I don't know how to describe the dress. You know I can't describe well. And I can't find the picture of that dress! This is so annoying. You'll just have to use your imagination.

This Saturday,

• I'm going to continue dress hunting. I'm pretty excited! If I don't find the right dress, I'll just have to get that dress that I reserved. I hope I can find something prettier.

I love the lyrics and video of this song. My current favorite!
♥

Beastly: Love is never ugly. Alex Pettyfer, marry me!

Yellow!

Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow.

I:

• am going for prom! It's not by my college. C and I are going. S was supposed to come along but she has something on that night. I'm going to feel so out of place.
• might be going for a birthday lunch this weekend. If I am, I'll be meeting up with C and S and we're going to watch Beastly, omgosh!

Today,

• I hung out with D's friends (only, he wasn't there) : A, C, J, J (girl), and K (girl). We went for lunch and played pool. I was the only girl who played pool. I played with C and A. I couldn't play with J because he plays like a professional. It was so fun! J was like, "Berlagak now lah, don't hang out with us anymore." I was taken aback by what he said, but just laughed, "Omg, no! Are you crazy? I wouldn't do that!" They paid for the pool session and I promised to treat them ice-cream. K paid for my drink; I didn't see that coming. I think I'd buy her ice-cream, too.
• people have been asking if I'm okay and why I'm sad. Like during lunch, C asked, "S, why are you sad? You look so sad." I just smiled, "I'm fine. I'm just stoning." I'm okay and I'm not sad, honest! Maybe it was because of the color of my outfit. I was even asked why I was wearing all black! Like, can't I wear all black? It's just a color. Black is a color. I'm not emo or anything. Stereotypes. Idiots. I stereotype. I'm an idiot.

Yesterday,

• G (my first semester friend) bought me lunch yesterday after he asked me out to lunch after class. I found it really odd that he paid for my lunch. I sat with him in class and it wasn't awkward or anything, surprisingly, and so was lunch.

On Friday,

• C and I went to Sunway Pyramid to watch The Mechanic. The movie was really cool! But it was violent, and gruesome. We were supposed to meet S at The Curve.

My t-shirt smells like strawberry! (:

March has arrived!

March, please be good to all of us.

Hello everyone! How are you's? What would the rules be, C? (:

I've been MIA for over a month now. Until now. I'm just going to update about myself in the list below:

• I went out with L when he came up from Singapore. We watched Homecoming. I don't like him anymore. I guess I never really like, liked him. I guess he was just a substitute, you know, when I didn't have anyone to like. I sound like a female dog right now.
• I still like D. I never stopped liking D. I see him around college off and on. We bump into each other mostly on Mondays.
• I went out a couple of times during the CNY holidays, I think. Can't remember.
• On the third day of CNY, we had an open house. There were so many people. My Dad invited his business-related-friends. My Mom invited her side of the family. We did invite my Dad's side too, but no one turned up. People started coming in at about 3. That day/night, I drank two whole bottles of red wine. That night, I gambled for the first time; I won RM10. My cousins and I went to play pool in SS15, where I bumped into my college friends. 
• We all went out for A and S's birthday dinner, remember? :D
• My Aunt from UK came down for about three weeks, I don't know? We went shopping together. It was pretty awkward at first, but we loosened up a little after. When we were waiting for my Mom to come pick us up, bird shit on my head,in my hair. According to the Brits, it's good luck.
• I went out with my college friend, C and a relatively new friend, S. They're pretty fun to hang out with. We went to 1U for lunch and movie (I AM NUMBER FOUR), and then to Bangsar at night.
• I started playing pool with C. My wrist has been hurting since then. I guess playing pool was the cause of my wrist hurting, I might be wrong. That's just my opinion.
• During the period of time when I wasn't updating this blog, I went all emo. I wasn't exactly emo. I just had dark colored (not black) nails. I wore a lot of black and dark colored clothes. I didn't talk much; I did talk, but not as much. I was alone most of the time. I wasn't down or depressed or anything. I was happy. I just wanted some alone time, a very long alone time.

I don't know if I've missed out anything, but if I did, I'll include it/them in this post.

FACT: Scientists have proven that human minds are linked with each other through neuron activities.
So if you’re thinking of someone all day long without any reasons at all, that person is probably thinking of you too in any sense.

-Tumblr

Is this true? :O

Goodnight <3 (:

And I'm like yes, it's on and poppin'

I want to go see LMFAO in MOS; I'm dying to go!

Today, I had McD's apple pie in between classes. And then, pork ball noodle soup, after my class. And when I got home, I had chocolate chip cookies and vanilla ice-cream. I'm a fcuking pig. I made myself pasta with Alfredo Portobello sauce last night and it was a success! I'm making it again tonight.

I'm pretty happy with my classes this semester, and classmates and lecturers. I think I know which class I'll have most fun in. I'm not saying which class, but in that class, there's a cute guy, my look-alike, a comedian. I'm liking my lecturer of that class, she's really fun. She warned us about using gadgets (phones, laptops, iPads) in class and she was like, "If you do tweet, no tweeting in my class, please." That made me chortle. She also said that my look-alike and I look like twins.

Why do we eat chocolates/cakes/sweets when we are stressed?
STRESSED = DESSERTS

Get it? Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. The lecturer of that class told us that.

I'm going to get coffee now. You see, I'm a pig.

I like 'em, chicks, ;)


UPDATED:
Currently reading my Microeconomics textbook. Going to make notes after. I feel very determined to study. Maybe, it's because it's the start of a new semester. But I'm pretty sure the novelty of wanting to be studious would soon wear off. BUT, I MUST NOT LET IT GO. I HAVE TO BE DETERMINED AND STUDIOUS.

I'm going to go back into reading my Microeconomics textbook, goodbye. Lecture starts at 10 tomorrow, I'd better prepare. "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." -Benjamin Franklin. Oh, I had to write an essay on how that quote reflects me. Something like that. I struggled. It was a "warm up" essay. I ended my essay with another quote: "Before anything else, preparation is the key to success." -Alexander Graham Bell. I felt pretty proud of myself for starting my essay with the given quote and ending it with a quote I knew. When she wrote "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." on the white board, I was like, I'd bet she got it off an SAT book.

OK, goodbye!

I need:

• help.
• to buck up.
• to dye my hair.

Currently playing Paramore's tracks.

Hello everyone!

My first class today was at 8. Mad sleepy! I couldn't sleep at first but eventually slept at about 3 plus, 4 and was supposed to wake up at 6 but snoozed till 7. Guess what I did when I couldn't sleep? I went through my cupboard, figuring out what to wear on the first day of college. I wanted to dress appropriately but ended up wearing a pair of black shorts and a black top. That always happens.

I had 2 classes today from 8-12. My first class was cancelled. Hung around till the next class, at 10. We were let off 30-45 minutes earlier than the supposed time. I went for lunch with D's friends, which is so weird, because he wasn't there, and they asked me, SO WEIRD. D's still overseas, apparently.

After college, my Mom picked me up and headed to Mont Kiara. And then, we came home.

L's coming up to KL with a couple of his friends and we might be going out with V.

You know, I used to like G and I? And then when I stopped liking them, I said, "I don't like him. I just like his attention." I think D's also one of them, get it? I don't like D, I just like his attention. L, too. Like, is this going to go on with every guy I like? FTS.

Still playing Paramore's tracks.

Goodnight! <3

Say goodbye and never look back.

College starts tomorrow. Dreading. Will blog more soon. Goodnight.

Stuck On Repeat: Party Girl

Mcfly - Party Girl by JaviandTheRobots

McFly - Party Girl (Doman&Gooding Remix) by go-musicremixes

SAT was hard. Extremely hard, actually. The toughest section was the Critical Reading and Writing Skills. Your vocabulary has to be at your fingertips. Apparently. a lot of guessing has to be done. You have to know the tactics in order to tackle the questions. And the Math section, you've got to be quick, because all you have is 25 minutes. The Essay section too- 25 minutes; you only have four minutes to analyze and brainstorm, and by the fifth minute you have to start writing. SAT is just crazy.

I saw D today and we acknowledged each other. Twice. Acknowledge, haha! Omgosh, I still have bloody feelings for him.

My current favorite quote:

"You know you're the shit, when people you don't know hate you."

-Paris Hilton

--S1

I'm going to stop trying.

I'm getting worse. In almost every way. There are many causes to my current state.
Just so you know, you're the main cause. I really don't know what to do about you.


--S1

I have a dirty mouth. Wipe it clean.

Warning: This post talks about a lot of things related to me.

I feel used and useless. I think I'm losing my friends. I'm 'socially deprived'- I really am. I'm lost and confused. Sometimes, I don't know what to do. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Or wrong. Should I just stop and drop whatever I'm doing? It gets me really frustrated. People say I over think, but that's just me. I think. I like to think. I think that I like to over think which is weird. I wish I was born with guts. I want to have guts to speak my mind. What really worries me is what people think of me. That's my biggest worry. I just don't know how to be myself. I want to just be myself which is pretty hard for me. I mean, I want my first impression to be a good one. Who doesn't, right? Suck balls, suck candies. Suck balls of candies.

Life, now, is pretty hard for me. Life's a bitch. Deal with it. Thinking about my education and my future is terrifying. Where the hell will I be in 5 years? 10 years? What will I be doing? To be honest, my studies aren't going very well. Or as well as I expected. Peer pressure is one of the issues I'm 'dealing' with. When you get to college and when you meet all sorts of people, then maybe, you'd understand. I wasn't pressured into drinking nor was I pressured into smoking. I've always liked the taste of alcohol. I've been drinking for three Wednesdays in a row; I've been high for three Wednesdays in a row. I've stopped for the time being; I shall continue after my finals. One of my biggest sin in profanity, I admit. Yes, I've been using cuss words all this while, but now, my mouth is as dirty as a garbage truck. I got my friend to like, 'punish' me whenever I say the f-word; RM1 per f-word. Going broke. Know what he said? He said, "I can be a billionaire already." The worst part, I don't know if I'm pressured into getting involved. I don't think I am. I know I'm not. But my Mom thinks so. But I really am not. I would know myself.

And then, there's D. He is just, I don't know, a huge distraction. I still like him, I admit. I like him a lot, but I don't think I should. His actions are misleading. I have not seen him in awhile and I miss him. I don't want to see him anytime soon. I hope to see him tomorrow though. Know what? I just realized, we're both touchy and flirtatious towards each other only when we're out and drinking. But there's this other side of him which is really sweet; he waits with me until I go home after our class. And, he sits beside me in class, and we talk, and we play Tic-Tac-Toe and Connect The Dots together during lectures. What do these mean?! I want answers.


--S1

What do you do when you're stuck?

I have to stop liking D. No, it's not that I found out he has a girlfriend, or that he likes someone else, or whatever that involves him with a girl. I just got to stop liking him. It's taking a toll on me. It's no point liking a person when you don't know if he likes you back. It's pretty tiring, unpredictable and disappointing. It's sad.

That one person is right, I think with my heart. And I really do think with my heart. I let my emotions take over. My actions are based entirely on my feelings. It's so stupid.

Earphones in.

Volume up.

Ignore the world.

--S1

I see you chilling by the bar.

TODAY: D sat beside me in class, waited with me, and we talked. I tried calling him to ask if tomorrow was on. He didn't pick up, ): I'll try again later. Or right after I'm done with this post.

TOMORROW: Halloween night, drinking games, and loads of fun. Can't wait! :D

THE DAY AFTER: I'll be seeing him again, (:

NOW: Assignments, -_____-

I, HAPPY! :D




--S1

Oh shit, I think I'm gone.

I'm afraid to go to college tomorrow.

I'm afraid to see D.

I'm afraid he won't talk to me. Or smile, even!
I'm afraid of rejection.




--S1

He gives me the butterflies!

Omgosh, D is like the sweetest thing! :D His text came in at like, 5.42PM, and I still haven’t replied have already replied. Shy, shy, :D He sat beside me today. Ecstatic! You guys should have seen my face and grin the whole time he was beside me, omgosh!

So anyways, I have like, five assignments and two tests left. And then, finals. I have a presentation and a report due tomorrow. Slides are due tonight, just need a little improvement. I still haven’t found my article for my case study and it’s due this Thursday! Shit, man.

Can’t wait for this Thursday! I’d better be able to go since I’ve already told D and J that I’m going. And please, please, please let me have the car that night when I know I’m not supposed to. Please God, let everything work out.

And the worst thing is, I don't know what to wear this Thursday! D:

Now playing I PARTY by Far East Movement.
I love Far East Movement. I'm still not tired of LIKE A G6.


--S1

Just open your mind, just open your eyes, just for a short while.

HANG IN THERE, S. WE ARE HERE AND WE LOVE YOU, (:

So like, the D situation had me really confused. I really don't know how to deal with it. First, the signs, those stupid signs, and then, nothing. But I think there was something today, (:

So like, today, I saw him. And he saw me. And we waved and said hi. But we didn't talk. Apparently, a friend whom I was talking to said that he kept on looking over. Plus, just as he was walking into his class with his friends, one of his friend was like, "Coming Thursday?" And D was like, "We're going clubbing." I smiled, cringed and said, "I really don't know."

Wednesday is still on, I mean, it's on practically every Wednesday. But I don't think I'm going. But I really want to. Oh my gosh, I wish my parents were more liberal. Like, I don't see the problem with sleeping over someone's house. I mean, it's not like I'm sleeping around. I know my boundaries. Besides, I'm old enough to take care of myself. Plus, my friends, especially the guys, take care of me when I don't, like really. So, please, loosen up a little. In this case, more.

So, about this Thursday, I mentioned to my Mom about it. I just mentioned, I didn't tell her if I was going or not, or if I wanted to go; I didn't even ask her. So, yeah, I just mentioned. And she didn't say anything. We'll see how things go. I got to finish up all my work first though, and then party, :D




--S1