What's Wrong?

You know I totes agree with what S said.  You wanna know what's seriously bothering me so much right now? Here's my list 

- Acting like nothing has happen. I cannot do that anymore. It's always like this. We fight, we bitch then we make up and act like nothing's happen. You know what? This time it's not happening anymore.

- now this one has been bothering for quite sometime already. You know I really honestly wanna know what the heck on earth i did to you, S1, for you to actually hate me so much. Seriously. Why do you always have to bitch about me to everyone? Your mom, my friends. I bet you even bitch about me to your college friends too. Do you really hate me that much? What the heck did I do?! Because from what I always remember, I'm the one who's always saying sorry to you for the things YOU did to me. You hurt me like  there's no tomorrow. But yet every time I still forgive you, oh wait, more like ask for your forgiveness. You even bitch about my parents! You want to bitch about me fine. But my parents? You have gone way too far. I got so mad, I seriously just wanted to punch you. Leave my parents out of this. You bitch about me on twitter. Is this like your hobby or something? And you know what pissed me off the most? When you had the nerve to say that I wasn't making effort to save  the friendship we so called had. YOU should be the one doing it not me. For 4 damn years, I've been doing everything. I thought you were my best friend, S1. I told you everything. I trusted you. But instead every time, we actually hang out i get stuff like people telling me that you are bitching about me. Saying I'm annoying and all that. If you hate me so much because I actually care about you then fine. I'll stop caring.  I'll stop doing anything actually. Because I'm not gonna stand anymore for any of this.  And you write excuses like you're afraid of confrontation or whatever. Well, deal with it. Because you know what? You bitch about everyone. Sooner or later people will know your true colors. 

You have hurt me until i don't even know what more to say. You said you never really liked me? Do you know how i felt when I heard that? Dude I have feelings okay. I came here and I told myself I'm not going be the same person like i was in malaysia. And yeah, I bitch about you too but that's just because YOU started everything. Even I had to go and say sorry to your first again the other day. And in the airport you said you were sorry i honestly felt like is that even true? I'm not being rude or anything but after what you've done to me i don't know what's real or fake from you anymore. it's not my fault i've become like this. So either you explain yourself about this or all this is just gonna be an end

And if you guys actually say I don't mind being friends with S1 and C separately then I'm not in this anymore. I don't care what you say about me. Call me a cold bitch or whatever but this is how it feels like me standing up for my ownself. I don't care what you guys are gonna think or say about me. You don't even now how much pain I've been going through. and if you're gonna ask if  i'm gonna throw away years of friendship then ask yourself this first. Is this even a real friendship? I don't care if it's just one or one, i MEAN to everyone. I see something real with L and S but with you three it's like we're all strangers again. Everytime I wanna say something you say I'm sensitive or over exaggerating. AND then you ask me why don't I say something about how i feel. Tell me how now?

Why are we all acting like this? It's like everyone's so damn defensive about their self. I don't understand how all this can suddenly change. Actually, wait no. I feel like maybe it's because of all this fighting. After that fight, it feels like everyone's change. We're no longer who we used to be? Like, how can we actually run out of things to say? It's like we're only doing things for the sake of doing not because we want to. Maybe we really are growing apart. It seems like we're now choosing bfs. So whatever you know? I don't really know what I wanna say or do anymore because I'm truly sick and tired of dealing with all this already. I come here and I actually feel free and loose. I've never felt like this for so long already. I see 6 besties and I think more like 6 enemies.

So how are we gonna deal with this?