I'm just feeling very very very down now . I feel like my insides are screaming for myself (if that even makes any sense to you) . I'm drained out , my emotions are just too much for me to handle sometimes . Why must life be so hard for me & so easy for others ? I'm in a place where i really cannot comprehend why things are the way they are . Yes , God is there , God is real , He knows all my problems but here i am , doomed with a whole lot of problems , drama , crisis wtv shet & it's honestly really hard sometimes . I just feel so stupid sometimes . Today , i threw away a pot , which had "fu kuai fa" plant in it , a really big one which my dad is keeping for so long . He asked me to throw away the broken pot so when B came back from school , we threw away the pot because there were broken pots in there and we assumed that was it . Till now , when my dad asked us and we really didnt know that he wanted that plant and OMG we went to look for it and it wasnt there anymore !! my dad's really pissed cause apparently that pot is like a pot of gold - the chinese believe . So obviously , he was majorly pissed off at me & i don't know , like i think it might take him a while to get over it cause i know how it feels . Imagine if someone throws away something you really really really like and adore and the fact that you can't get it back anymore ? It sucks big time , and i feel like "daisies" . OMG , i can't believe myself sometimes . To be honest , NS life was WAYYYYY better . thinking back , like yes , we have "daisy" instructors shouting at us and all that crap but like i loved who i was there . my lifestyle was wayyyy better and i feel like its nice to just be away from the family . We feel more connected when we're away . & coming back to daisy dramas and all this problems again , feels like the whole world is crashing down on me again . It's really hard to express this feeling , i have this excruciating pain , like my heart is bleeding and i'm just longing for something to just hit me and take me somewhere where i can be free from all this . My mom's just being a total idk , it's all just very annoying and hurtful . She doesn't wanna talk to me cause i'm not at the daycare helping her . i'm sick of all this . see if i was in NS , i wouldn't have to worry bout this kinda daisies . & theres just like this BIG HUGE question mark in front of me now , like where ? what ? whom ? who ? when ? how ? and i'm just like BLANKED . I'm afraid to get in coll , cause of our financial probs and i have this 8 more lifepacs to finish . I'm just veryveryvery stressed out , mood out and i feel like i can't go on that kind ? and i'm seriously not happy with my body . I really want to lose weight and i just don't get why is it so dang difficult to just shed off this annoying pounds . I'm just in a very lowlowlow point in my life right now , just trying to figure out what to do , who am i and all this other things . One thing for sure , i do feel a tad better typing all this out . I'm hanging in there , on a very thin rope . Just gonna live for today and just see where God takes me next . Almost feels like i'm going through depression honestly like all this thoughts are constantly on my mind . College , future spouse , my future , finance , my liscence , friends , studies , all this things are haunting me . I need loads of prayer support besties . & honestly , i can't believe our years of friendship ended up like this . I'm honestly sick and tired already like i honestly don't give a daisy if you wanna pick who you feel like becoming besties with and just have like a whatever relationship with the rest . & everyone can't be thinking their the right ones like EVALUATE yourself before you EVALUATE others . we all have flaws and things we need to deal with . We can all go on pretend like owh yeah everything's sunshine and rainbows but WHO ARE WE KIDDING ? i think whoever who has something to say should just say it on this blog , if you feel like you have to apologize or confess something then do it if you want this friendship to stay eternal . Think of the mistakes you have done and apologize , you won't die . I think we should really get to it . like think about it and everyone just blog out wtv you feel and if you need to apologize then do so . Life's just UGH sometimes , feel like i wanna just sjgopsrkpo'kfSOPKFOJFOEDJfOEJFOjefjfjw'FWJF'GJROPGJORJFGIOPFKEDSLFMDLKFDIFJDIFJIOSJFIOJFISOJFSIDJFDIJFOIJREJGFHRELSNLGNDLSDNFL ! I've had enough of all this , i want a BREAK . Thanks for hearing me out guys , I'm gonna just stop here . Hope to hear from anyone of yall soon , byee .
love ,
S .
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